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ExamForce :: Article Archive :: Newsletter Article
 The Cert Times: IT Edition Article Archive
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| More of the Geek Aptitude Test (GAT) (B1N@RY N@T10N (A.J. Axline)) |
Here are some more preview questions from the highly-secret aptitude exam that is used to qualify candidates for NASA, to pre-screen hopefuls who wish to join the Freemasons, and which will be used to determine who gets to board the giant space ark when the planet-killer asteroid is about to plow into Earth.
This is the sort of incredible content that you've come to expect from Binary Nation. Why do I do it? Two reasons. First, I'm incredibly insecure, and I need you to love me. Second, I'm incredibly debt-riddled, and I need you to write to the editor of this publication and demand that he give me more money. This is the nature of our relationship, and I thank you for every second of it.
On to the questions...
1) Select the answer below that best accompanies the listed word:
"Transformers -- "
a) More than meets the eye!
b) Can kill electricians if they don't open them correctly
c) Are worth a lot of money on e-Bay
d) Have difficulty choosing a gender identity
2) Which of the following statements best matches the expression:
"Microsoft is to Security, as..."
a) Kryptonite is to Superman
b) Agent Smith is to Neo
c) Red Kryptonite is to Superboy
d) Gold Kryptonite is to Supergirl
e) Godzilla is to MechaGodzilla
f) Any color of Kryptonite is to any of the seemingly dozens of people who escaped the planet Krypton before it exploded
g) Steve Ballmer is to antiperspirant
3) Re-sort the following list of occupations in order of most-desired (1) to least-desired (7):
1) Washroom attendant in a crack house
2) Morale officer at SCO Group
3) Joan Rivers' makeup artist
4) Dog sanitation janitor at Google
5) Steve Jobs' ego fluffer
6) Elocution instructor for Dell Service hotline personnel
7) Help Desk (anywhere)
4) Complete the following chant:
"In brightest day, in darkest night,
No evil shall escape my sight,
Let those who worship Evil's might,
Beware my power..."
a) "...I am going to f&*#ing KILL Google!!!"
b) "...I am calling from the RIAA Legal department."
c) "...Green Lantern's light."
d) "...I just found a Quad Damage! MUAH HA HA HA!!!"
e) "...I'm here to shut down the office and lay all of you off."
5) What was the fifth bonus prize to appear in the original version of Pac-Man?
a) Lemon
b) Grapes
c) Toru Iwatani
d) Dot-com stock option
e) Apple Lisa
6) How do you kill a zombie?
a) Reformat the drive and reinstall the OS
b) Tilt your glass back and drink up
c) Shoot it in the head
d) Offer it a generous severance package for its loyal 16 months as CEO
e) Too late; he's already been re-elected
7) Select the best, simplest translation for the following business-speak:
"We understand and recognize the importance of you, our employees. That's why we are looking forward to working with you to create a new joint commitment to the company's strategic vision for the next fiscal quarter. It is critical that we maximize our internal synergies while maintaining responsible resource management during this period."
a) "Dance the straw into the mud, you dogs. Pharoah needs bricks."
b) "Drink the Kool-Aid, or you will be carrying your personal effects out of here in a cardboard box before the end of the week."
c) "Many will be laid off. Those who stay will not receive raises. That is all."
d) "Lower your shields and surrender your ships. We will make no attempt to add your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. However, you will join our corporate culture and service our stock price. Resistance is futile."
e) "Suck it."
f) All of the above
8) What is the official slogan for the new Apple iPod Nano?
a) 1000 songs. Impossibly small.
b) 1000 songs. Most of them stolen.
c) 1000 songs. Incredibly easy to lose in your couch cushions.
d) 1000 songs. Impossibly small. (Number of songs may vary depending on length and bitrate. The manufacturer will not be held liable if 1000 copies of "Stairway To Heaven" will not fit on the player. Further, the manufacturer will not be held responsible if player is proven to be "possibly small" by third-party sources. As far as we're concerned, it's impossibly small. Jerk.)
e) 1000 songs. 17 weeks before we release something smaller, prettier, and with functionality that you will desperately wish you had on your 1st-generation iPod Nano.
9) Which of the following is not a version of the upcoming Windows Vista OS from Microsoft? (Select all that apply)
a) Windows Vista Home Premium Edition
b) Windows Vista Starter Edition
c) Windows Vista Pro Edition
d) Windows Vista Good Luck Trying To Explain This To Your Parents Edition
d) Windows Vista Small Business Edition
e) Windows Vista Home Basic Edition
f) Windows Vista Help Desk Hell And Damnation Edition
g) Windows Vista Ultimate Edition
h) Windows Vista Desperation Move By Embattled Software Company Edition
i) Windows Vista Enterprise Edition
j) Windows Vista I Just Want Email And Porn Edition
10) "Wolverines!"
a) Michigan?
b) Red Dawn?
c) There's more than one?
d) Is the room big enough to cast a fireball without it blasting back into the hallway?
e) Is this on the exam?
A.J. Axline is the author of Closet Universe, a devastatingly wonderful book that is available for sale at Lulu.com. He has been jobless for over twenty weeks now, and is entertaining offers for one of his kidneys (serious buyers only... no dealers, please).
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Posted by
nam on 28/03/2006 08:51 |
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ExamForce, Inc. is not sponsored by, endorsed by, or affiliated with Cisco Systems, Inc. Cisco®, Cisco Systems®, CCDA™, CCNA™, CCDP™, CCNP™, CCIE™, CCSI™, the Cisco Systems logo, and the CCIE logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of Cisco Systems, Inc. in the United States and certain other countries. All other trademarks, including those of Microsoft, CompTIA, and Citrix are trademarks of their respective owners.
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