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ExamForce :: Article Archive :: Newsletter Article
 The Cert Times: IT Edition Article Archive
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| On the Wireless (B1N@RY N@T10N (A.J. Axline)) |
ANNOUNCER: And now, it's time for Binary Nation Radio. Here's your host, A.J. Axline.
A.J.: Thank you, and good morning/afternoon/evening to you wherever you may be on this big brown marble. Welcome to the program. My name is A.J. Axline, and this is Binary Nation Radio. With me as always is everyone's favorite undead object defined by direction and magnitude, Vector the Spectre. How are you Vector?
VECTOR: 'Sup?
A.J.: Indeed, my friend. Indeed. Before we start drilling down into the bedrock of this month's news, I'd like to thank our sponsor... um, our sponsor... (sound of shuffling papers) ...who is our sponsor this month?
PRODUCER: (says something unintelligable)
A.J.: You can't be serious. Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been informed by our producer that we don't have a sponsor for this broadcast. What... how can that be?
PRODUCER: (says something about "after what happened last month...")
A.J.: What happened last month? I don't remember anything... oh, those bastards. I'm supposed to feel bad about that, am I?
PRODUCER: (says something about insulting paying clients)
A.J.: Look, all I can say is that Sony Music had it coming. I have a responsibility to our listening public, and I--
PRODUCER: (says something about the cost of producing a monthly radio show; adds something about not having been paid for the last two months)
A.J.: Whatever, you ignorant corporate stooge. Fine, we don't have a sponsor for the broadcast.
VECTOR: Why don't we do a free plug for someone we like?
A.J.: All right. This week's show is brought to you by the fine people at Chocolate Fudge Pop-Tarts.
VECTOR: I don't think Pop-Tarts is a company.
A.J.: Perhaps, but I've made a judgment call, and I'm sticking with it.
VECTOR: Fair enough.
A.J.: So, let's look at the news. Microsoft patriarch Bill Gates recently announced that he intends to step down from his full-time responsibilities at the software company in order to spend more time working with his charitable foundation.
VECTOR: I heard that Bill told reporters, "$640 billion is all anyone will ever need."
A.J.: Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer had this to say about Gates's announcement. Let's roll that tape.
BALLMER: WHOOOOOO! YEEAAAAAHHHH! WHOOOOOOOO! GIVE IT UP FOR ME! WHOOO! DEVELOPERS!
A.J.: Interesting. Vector, your thoughts?
VECTOR: I'm kind of snacky. Do we actually have any Pop-Tarts in the studio?
A.J.: In other news, a British newspaper ran a story last week that a factory in China that manufactures Apple iPods exploits its workers with incredibly low wages and poor working conditions. According to the news report, workers at the iPod plant are paid $50 USD a month to work 15-hour shifts assembling iPods. In response, an Apple spokesperson told reporters that "this is just part of our new business partnership with Nike."
VECTOR: Do you think Kathie Lee Gifford owns an iPod?
A.J.: I, for one, am shocked. Poor working conditions in China? Who knew?
VECTOR: Apparently, workers only get one 15-minute break a day. And, they have to eat their lunches while being run over by a tank.
A.J.: In a related story, Internet powerhouse Google announced that they have signed a contract to become the official search engine of Hell. Way to do no evil, you kids!
VECTOR: Maybe Yahoo! can get dibs on Purgatory.
A.J.: I believe that MSN has already claimed that space.
VECTOR: Somebody should Ask Jeeves how he's going to pay his broadband bill next month.
A.J.: On a personal note, I would like to take this opportunity to tell our audience that I don't want to hear the work "Blu-ray" ever again. I'm already sick of it. They should call it like it is, and change the name of the technology to "Proprietary Consumer Cornholing."
VECTOR: PCC? I think that acronym is alreay taken.
A.J.: By what?
VECTOR: Ummm... Personal, er, Calculating... Cape buffalo.
A.J.: (pause) Uh-huh. One of the fine products from African Organic Systems, perhaps?
VECTOR: What's the plural of buffalo?
A.J.: A large number of slow, lumbering mammals? I believe that's referred to as RIAA.
VECTOR: I thought the "R" stood for "Reptiles"
A.J.: And, we won't go into what one of the "As" stand for. Well folks, we're entirely out of time, and our legal defense fund is beginning to sag. I'd like to thank our sponsor, the fine folks at African Organic Systems. For Vector the Spectre and myself, thank you for joining us, and good morning/afternoon/evening.
ANNOUNCER: This has been Binary Nation Radio, here on the BN Network.
VECTOR: Seriously, what's the plural of buffalo?
A.J.: Buffaleese. Man, you are so ignorant. Hey, give me one of those Pop-Tarts!
A.J. Axline is the caretaker of Closet Universe, and has a beautiful speaking voice.
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Posted by
nam on 28/06/2006 09:30 |
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