|
|
 |
|
| |
|
|
ExamForce :: Article Archive :: Newsletter Article
 The Cert Times: IT Edition Article Archive
|
| What Happens In Vegas Should Stay In Vegas, Literally (B1N@RY N@T10N (A.J. Axline)) |
Want to know how to get thrown out of the annual Consumer Electronics Show? Vector and I can tell you, since we got "removed" from this year's version held earlier this month by a couple of security mooks who looked less like homo sapiens and more like they were created in Saruman's workshop.
First, at every booth possible, look at what they are displaying and say, "Oh great, another frakking phone."
"Oh no, not just a phone," some marketroid will invariably gasp. "The POS-9000 is THE new player in the mobile revolution!"
"Can it be used as a phone?"
"Of course! The POS-9000 utilizes the fastest cellular network--"
"So, it's a phone."
"Oh, well, yes, but it's not just--"
"A phone. Another stupid, overvalued, overloaded fetish object phone. Thanks a lot, jackass."
Then walk away, giving them the finger behind your back.
This technique can safely be used at 50%-90% of the booths at the CES, since new phones are pretty much all we're inventing these days. Word of your exploits will get around quickly, as the "mobile revolutionists" are as incestuous as an Ozark social mixer. You will want to change tactics, and raise the antagonism level with new booth people.
"Wow! A phone! Does it play games? Does it store contacts? Can I text on it? Can I get email? Is this any different than the phones from five years ago? Are you a retard? Is everyone at your company as retarded as you? Can you demonstrate how you would have a conversation on this magnificent, shining paragon of a phone? Do you have to use your vocal cords? At the LG booth, they have a phone that picks up sub-vocalizations. Can your phone do that, retard?"
You'll have to start moving through the crowd a little more carefully at this point, because the security scumbags will have your description by now.
Stop by the Microsoft booth, and start screaming, "WINDOWS 7 WAS MY IDEA! MINE! YOU THIEVING BASTARDS, MY NAME IS STEVE JOBS, AND WINDOWS 7 WAS MY IDEA!"
Go to any booth displaying 3-D BluRay technology, and ask them when they will be releasing the HD-DVD version. Be adamant about it.
Then, go back to the booths offering 3-D 'anything' and say in a sarcastic drawl, "Great, 3-D. I already see in 3-D, ya product-touting jag-off. When is 4-D coming out?"
Finally, when you see the security mooks coming for you, pull out a bible and loudly demand that people repent and turn away from the dark god of Technology. The crazy evangelist is a good card to play when you're about to get collared, because they will usually just throw you out rather than holding you for the cops.
Cheers,
A.J. Axline
www.ajaxline.ca
|
|
|
Posted by
nam on 28/01/2010 11:45 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
ExamForce, Inc. is not sponsored by, endorsed by, or affiliated with Cisco Systems, Inc. Cisco®, Cisco Systems®, CCDA™, CCNA™, CCDP™, CCNP™, CCIE™, CCSI™, the Cisco Systems logo, and the CCIE logo are trademarks or registered trademarks of Cisco Systems, Inc. in the United States and certain other countries. All other trademarks, including those of Microsoft, CompTIA, and Citrix are trademarks of their respective owners.
|
|
|
|
 |
|
